Does this sound ok?

In my writing I used straightforward language and simple sentence structures so it wasn’t too complicated for my target audience (12/13 year olds). For instance “He pulled out a pack of Chokz”. I also only had a few characters in my story to keep it simple. As my writing was aimed at a young audience I wanted to make my text exciting, so they would want to read more. This is why I added amusement such as when Susan’s granny gets the ‘Janglers’. Janglers is a word I made up, it has a silly tone to it and ……(what else can I add here!??)

Does this sound ok?
Sound effects like the bus went by and swoooossshhhed all the water up..something fun like that
Reply:Chokz? Sounds polish, Lol!
Reply:Sorry to disappoint you, but....





Definition: \Jan"gler\, n. [Cf. OF. jangleor.]


1. An idle talker; a babbler; a prater. --Chaucer.





2. A wrangling, noisy fellow.
Reply:i dont get what ur sayin
Reply:Another worry about made-up words is the unavoidable tendency of kids (especially adult kids) to see something rude in any odd sounding ones. You need to be sure of the context and your audience - and try and stay one jump ahead.





(If you are old enough and live in the UK, may I refer you to Rambling Sid Rumpo in "Round the Horne"?)
Reply:I think it's good to bring in new words, so that they can also learn. however, using words you have made up on your own are not the way around it I believe. trying looking for silly, cute funny words online or open a dectionary, make sure the word has the meaning you are looking for rather than making it up, and at the same time, they will learn a new word and might use it later on.
Reply:I agree that it's good to use a thesaurus to expand your word usage, but as a children's writer, I like your use of "Janglers," especially if that's what your character would say. It has a lot of character and personality in it. If Chokz is a well-known brand/commodity, go ahead with it. If not, you'll need to use it several times with a reference so your readers know. (I've never heard of Chokz, but since your quotes are inside your punctuation, I'm guessing you're outside the U.S.) For young teens, don't worry too much about language or sentence structure. They can handle quite a bit if they're enjoying the story! Good luck!